Embodied Boundaries for PMS & PMDD Relief

Written summary of podcast episode:

I’ve spoken before about how people-pleasing can contribute to PMS, PMDD, and premenstrual rage, and today I want to dive deeper into this topic, particularly in relation to boundaries. I’ll be exploring the difference between standard boundaries and embodied boundaries, and why understanding this distinction is so important.

It’s quite topical for me right now, as I’m recording this on Day 16 of my cycle, deep into my inner summer. But interestingly, I’m feeling incredibly tired and drained. It’s a clear reminder of how, when I stretch my boundaries or fail to hold them firm, particularly during my inner winter, it impacts my energy later in the cycle.

This is such a great example of how the menstrual cycle isn’t linear. Each phase doesn’t happen in isolation, and the way we navigate our boundaries throughout the cycle directly impacts how we experience the premenstrual phase.

When we talk about embodied boundaries, I want you to think beyond your inner autumn. It’s helpful to consider your boundaries throughout the entire cycle. If we’re not honouring our own needs at different points in the cycle, it amplifies what happens in the premenstrual phase. And don’t forget, the premenstrual phase is like a truth serum—it brings up what isn’t working, what needs to be seen and healed, and where we can step into a fuller version of ourselves.

Part of that involves asking: Where have we not been honouring our yes, no, and maybe? Where have we set boundaries and then retracted them, out of guilt or fear?

People Pleasing, boundaries and PMS

Which leads me to the next question: Why am I talking about embodied boundaries in a podcast focused on PMS? As I’ve mentioned before, I see a strong correlation between people who experience severe premenstrual symptoms and those who tend to people-please.

I’m not a fan of the term “people-pleasing” because it can carry a positive connotation. People often wear it as a badge of honour, but really, people-pleasing is self-abandonment. It’s about suppressing your own needs in order to keep others comfortable, and in many cases, it's about keeping yourself comfortable too.

When we people-please, we’re often trying to avoid the discomfort of someone else’s reaction. If someone doesn’t like our ‘no,’ or doesn’t approve of what we want to say or do, we may avoid confrontation by trying to keep the peace. But when we do this, we’re not being true to ourselves—we’re abandoning our own needs in favour of someone else’s comfort.

This is especially true for women, who are often socialised to keep the peace, nurture, and care for everyone else. But when we neglect ourselves to serve others in this way, we’re not in alignment with the best version of ourselves—the version that honours our inner boundaries, takes care of our inner children, and stands in our power.

This is where inner autumn, or your premenstrual phase, comes into play. It’s the time when the energy of stripping away the bullshit comes to the surface. It’s the time when you’re confronted with what is really true for you. It’s when premenstrual anger, mood swings, and a distance from others often arise. This can happen because we haven’t had firm enough boundaries in place earlier in the cycle, but it’s especially true if we’re not holding those boundaries during the premenstrual phase.

During your premenstrual phase, you need a lot of space. You’re digesting and processing the entire month that’s passed, and any unhealed wounds or shadow aspects can come to the surface. You need more you time than in any other phase of the cycle, just to sit and be, so you can do that processing and healing work.

So, if your boundaries aren’t firm, you won’t be able to do that deep work. This is where frustration, anger, and that overwhelming “ugh” feeling can arise. It spills out onto others because you’re not consciously holding space for yourself.

That’s why boundaries are crucial if you’re looking to get lasting relief from premenstrual rage, mood swings, PMS, or PMDD. It’s all about knowing where your boundaries are weak. And remember, boundaries aren’t about what other people do—they’re about what you are going to do in response.

Boundaries are an action within you. They’re about deciding what you will tolerate, what you will accept, and what you will do if your boundaries are crossed. It’s not about telling others what to do—it’s about being clear on what you will do for your own self-preservation.

For example, you might need to ask for space. You might need to say, "No, I need to take some time for myself," and expect that request to be respected. If others have trouble respecting your boundaries, that’s a whole different conversation, but for today, we’ll focus on you being accountable for your own boundaries.

I know this can be really hard, especially if you’ve experienced trauma around boundaries, or if, like many of us, you’ve never been taught how to communicate them. We’re not taught how to have strong boundaries in school. We’re socialised to disregard our own needs, and not necessarily respect other people’s boundaries either.

Embodied vs Cognitive Boundaries

I’ve noticed that many people approach boundary work from a purely cognitive place. They think, “Okay, I should feel this way,” or, “I should say no here,” but this can lead to self-sabotage. If we’re not connected to our bodies, we might trick ourselves into thinking something is a yes when it’s actually a no.

That’s where embodied boundaries come in. We need to tune into our bodies to truly understand what our yes, no, and maybe feel like. This isn’t just intellectual. It’s about creating a deep connection to your body, so when a boundary needs to be set, you can feel it in your body and recognise it immediately.

For example, you might notice a pressure in your chest when you feel uncomfortable with something. That’s a sign that this is a no for you. Or you might feel resistance or discomfort when asserting your no. This is normal and can be a powerful way of reclaiming your personal power.

It’s also important to practise setting boundaries in smaller, everyday situations. What do you want to eat for dinner? Do you want to go to a social event, or would you prefer to stay home? These small moments help you get familiar with your yes, no, and maybe.

In the 7-week PMS Relief Program, I’ll be guiding the group through an embodied boundaries practice, helping them tune into what their boundaries feel like in your body. We’ll be exploring this in Week 5, where I’ll lead you through an exercise to discover your own embodied yes, no, and maybe. We’ll also explore how you feel about asserting those boundaries, as it can often reveal deeper resistance or discomfort that’s worth exploring.

If you’re curious about the program, we’re starting on March 17th, and I’d love to have you join us. You can check it out here and see if it’s a good fit for you. And if you're listening after that date, don't worry, there will be another round!